So you hear jokes about how a young man points to a coffin telling the old people it’s their turn next just like they tell him it’s his turn to marry when they attend weddings. Well, what makes people do that is my question?
I often think of why people say I should marry someone and in fact marry someone soon enough. I don’t understand what is their worry or their hurry. I am not missing out on it and it’s not my last train to life either.
I have spent hours and sleepless nights trying to understand the same thing. I came up with a lot of questions about why I do not want to marry but no one could answer them most of the times.
Why I don’t think I should marry is because I simply don’t see myself that way. I do not see myself working very hard so that I can buy a lot of gold for my wife or sarees even. I do not see myself feeding a baby from a bottle of milk when my wife has to leave it and go somewhere. I do not see myself going to the school to drop my child at school or picking them up either. I can’t even see my parents with their grandchild. In my head, I see nothing but me. I know you are thinking I am selfish but seriously, do you? I am sure you think so.
I told you how I see myself without these things happening to me. Did I tell you why I don’t see myself that way? It’s because I “choose” not to cause this, again, not because I am extremely selfish. I love children. I could take care of them for you when you need my help, drop them to school when you want me to, even bring them home for you or take them around if you want them to have a good time. I love showing movies to children and Harry Potter is my favorite pick, all of the time. I even can help your wife buy that dress or help her make choices. I would even sit with your parents and give them a treat with feet massages, endless chatter and of course good times. Now that I think of it, I think I would rather be the child in their life than have a child around me take that place. I don’t see my children doing that.
What makes it wonderful is, my children are not born and I do not have to have a woman just because I want children. What I mean to say is, many marry just because they want a child and a future. Every friend I ask about it says, “You see, I want a normal life, a wife, children and a future when I have someone who can take care of me”. I always felt like saying to them, “Dude, make enough money so that you can employ faithful people at your service at your old age so you don’t have to pass the burden to an old lady who at your same age needs the same attention.”
What I really what to ask them is, “What future?” Many people think, they will have a future full of rose petals and the violin playing in the back ground. They simply dream of a life full of colors and beauty. I do not like to dream, I like facts in life to hit me on my face too. Unfortunate as it may sound, I never had a dream filled reality and it was never so wonderful like many have had. So, when I think of marriage, let me tell you what I see.
I see a wife as a liability who you run around for sex, begging every day for that one time when you can feel in heaven. I see her not giving me that because I didn’t buy her the gift I promised (and I hate not keeping promises so I would hate myself) last Christmas. I see nagging, loads of it and work at office and home which she won’t do for me because it’s my mess. I see me cheating in a few months after she nags and doesn’t give me sex on “her choice”. I see her finding out too and I, not bothered. I see her crying and then getting back to basics by some help and we getting together again. Wonder why deprive a man of it in the first place. Also, women, if you are reading this, spice it up a bit… make him need to be with you… not just want it. Then we have children who I didn’t ask for coming my way, their education, food, demands and the ever haunting fear of how they will abandon me when I grow old. I see endless pain in health, mine and others and how I will have to stand alone and be with them when they pass on and I am left alone. Now that’s the reality if I lived long enough.
If I cheated and died of AIDS, it’s a totally different life for my family. If she dies due to an accident, my life is a wreck. If my children have a bad ending, I am only sorry for bringing him in this world for an end like this.
So what I am saying is… I do not want to marry anyone because I see a future which cannot be seen. I do not plunge into it because I am not too stupid. I am responsible for a wife and children if I get married and I do not mean that just legally but as a human being or a father. It’s a big step. So, one could say I am afraid of marriage or commitment.
Again, I can commit into it and I am not afraid of it. I just can’t see myself waste time into something which I can change. I do not like being held responsible for a life. I do not like being held accountable for what they would end up doing. And because I cannot control the future, I do not know how agonizing this may be if things do not go the right way. I want a simple life where I can be of help to my surroundings and contribute to others lives instead of bringing someone in this world and hold them accountable for my life if things go wrong.
They say I think too much but its better I think of me, for me and for the good of my future than thinking of nothing, making a baby and following a trend. It will give me enough time, money and life to do what I like doing and not being held responsible by my child if he ends up being molested when I was busy at work or my wife saying I was away too long and so she slept with someone or even the fact that others would tell me I am irresponsible as a father. In this world of pain, guilt and suffering, if I can contribute to not making another life suffer, I am contributing to a world by adding some sense in it which it needs and I am happy I can help.
And please, do not tell me to marry when you won’t pay my bills or get me married or buy her some gold or beg her for me to have sex with her. Don’t even dare to tell me that I am a bad husband if she is boring in bed or when I am not getting any action. In fact, don’t even tell me how to take care of my child and how I should not give up and be so negative because I would kill you if I find you molesting my child – after all you can’t trust no body for that. And you better not show me an example of a fine marriage because you think it’s easy because every marriage talks about cheating and hate and unattended children and nasty times. Simply, just be happy with yourself and your marriage and let others live like they want.