Have you come across those people in person and online? Usually they meet you for the first time and pose to be the best person you could ever meet and start talking about bad things others do? Or talk about people who should meet their expectations?
You come online and someone messages you and says – “I am looking for a decent person.” Do you get what I mean now? No? Okay… I am talking about the word decent here. I hate it how that word is used and abused in every way possible. What is decent? Do we know when to use it? Do we even have to use it?
Is what decent for me, decent for you? Can I measure how nice you are? Decent is “Conforming with generally accepted standards of respectable or moral behavior”. Now what on earth are standards of respectable behavior? I can assume… but when that same person says – “I am here for fun and friendship”… it all seems to shatter.
Well it’s not respectable to have fun with your friend. Does it say anywhere that friends sleep together?
Noooooo. Fun is for people you hook up with or people you meet at the bar and get drunk with and end up in bed or your lovers or ex-lovers. They have names for people who want fun and I can assure you that friends aren’t one of them? I can’t tell you how that feels. It’s like telling an old lady to breast feed a young child. Yes, it is that indecent. So why on earth do you think you are decent enough yourself to ask for people to be decent? You may say, it’s generally accepted to have fun with your friends… I mean fun when you don’t need the base in baseballs but the answer to that is “NO it isn’t.”
Now that’s just the icing on the cake here. I have so many such words that people use that I could write a book on it but sex is never what happens among friends. It’s just not the thing you do.
If you had sex with friends, they would be the same as fuck-buddies or a hook-up or your lover or your spouse… the reason they are friends is because they are not people you sit naked with. If you do, you surely are not decent and if you have sex with them… you are twisted.
Let’s also talk about people who ask you where you are located. This one is tricky. They start to measure your decency with where you live many times. If you are from the eastern side of the city you are shallow or not so classy and if you are near the sea, you become decent. But if you say, you stay in a village; you’re chances of meeting the love of your life diminishes by every frame of that second in which your movie could be written. If you say you were traveling overseas, you will see their eyebrows go up an inch or if you say you live your life as it comes – you can see them drop the glass they filled with liquor…
Are you saying these people are “decent”? I guess they would be in a general sense now wont they. But is this behavior acceptable when people look at your friends and you in that way? The answer to that is always “no” unless you live by the sea and think you are decent which makes you twisted because you think you are a better person.
Did I mention distance in all this? If you answer saying, you are far, they will say you are rude. But if you expect sex and you are far from the person you are contacting, it’s obvious the chances of a YES is minimal. Then why is it indecent or rude to say the truth?
Have you met those who speak to you like they already love you? And then ask you about your relationships and question why you broke up? Is it rude to ask someone if they swing both ways? And if you told them you don’t want them because they do is it indecent? Why? Even I can’t figure that one out but I can tell you it’s not indecent to express your choices.
Some write “I am looking for friends and fun. Someone who is decent, educated and nice and can talk good English” and end with saying, “no money seekers”. I simply want to laugh at that.
I do not understand what is decent about this person who writes this in the first place. You want free sex is all you are saying and that makes you cheap as a cent. It’s like you want a person who walks and talks with elegance and then lowers their standards and has fun with you and say they are your friend and because they can go further towards indecency they should walk with pride holding their head high showing how educated and presentable they are and have class and don’t charge you for such a rare combination of slut and friendship.
The sad part being, there are such shallow people who accept that as a norm and do it willingly. No wonder I respect people who get paid for sex. By that I mean, they do what they do and they do it without any masks. Why don’t people say, I want sex or say, you are a nice guy and I want to know if you can be a friend but I am attracted to you sexually too. Is it difficult to say what’s on your mind? I am sure those who say “friends and fun” will say, “That’s what I mean”. But you don’t. Why? Simply because you can’t mix friends and fun. Its friends or fun until defined as either.
I wondered before I wrote this, if it even matters if you are decent – which according to me, no one is. Or if I am really okay with friends with benefits in a sexual way. Or if it mattered if they lived out of this world as far as I have made a connection online. The answer was “NO” because I may never meet this person. Then why is it a big deal to me? It’s because they used the card which says “FRIEND” on it.
The only reason actually it offends me is that they use that word for everything. It’s like saying “sorry”. Let me explain how they use that word “friend” is other ways – “Oh I need money, let me ask a friend and because he is a friend and let me not return it to him because he will understand.” Should he?
Or, when you see your boyfriend coming and he asks you, “Why you were talking to that guy?” and you are afraid to say that you actually slept with him last night. What do you say instead? “Oh, he is just a friend”. Or when your dear friend needed someone besides them and you used that to sleep with them so they could feel good because you were horny too. Seriously?
Then, not to forget the “I was drunk card” when you behave in the ugliest way possible and blame it on the drink saying it’s the drinking that made you behave indecently. And by far, that word “friend” has been there for you in all these places. And that’s when I thought, it’s because friends allow people to walk over them that they have allowed others to abuse them so bad. If a friend said clearly, I want to sleep with you, it would end that friendship and make it a booty call and then you walk into the next chapter of becoming fuck buddies.
If they stood up to unfair questions about why they live in a place that is not so good, may be, people will understand then that it’s indecent to ask or say anything on those lines to people.
Fuck people you want to fuck and don’t share them with your friends or fuck your friends in any way possible because its misuse of a person who has a heart to do everything you ask of them because they love you as a friend. Simply, if you want to have sex with that person, have the balls to say so and stop calling them your friends. Stop using a sticker to label them as your friend to save your own ass from shame.
Then again, you have people who were your fuck buddies who now don’t have sex with you. What do you call them? Well, it depends on you. As your feelings have not shown any respect for a relationship or any further sexual attraction and you are yet in touch, it means… you are ready to move on from your desires. That does not mean you mistreat that person because you don’t need them for sex… what it means is… you value them more like you would value a friend. Of course, it sounds shady but what can you do. Your body is special and theirs is special too. You have made a connection where you share more than friends but less than what you would with your family or a lover. It’s a bond of some sort but definitely its worth valuing. So what do you think you can do about it? It’s like you walked the ladder thinking of possibilities and now there is no way up. So you let it be. It’s simple and you keep in touch as friends but always treat them special as they did something with you that is special.
So decent or not, I think friendship is the most decent of all things I have known, only if they actually stand up for themselves like they stand up for you. And however decent you are, there is always a secret that makes you “not the generally accepted decent person”. So you should stop using that word or any words which can be misused and start treating people with respect so you can get closer to the standards of decency. Never fuck your friend up in anyway.